I can't stand it. My life is at crossroads in so many ways. Let's start with the job. Tuesday night was bad. I couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned. I was practically in tears not wanting to get up and go to work on Wednesday. I just had this feeling that the aggravation was going to hit hard & fast. But, morning came & like a good little doobie, I went in and did what I had to do. However, I was not in the building five minutes when I heard "Grotter! You HAVE to fill out those forms!" (sidenote: the forms I have to fill out were given to us in August. They are a set of 'what I did last year' and 'what i plan to do this year'.) I filled them out ages ago and submitted them. In late 2006 through August of 2007, I did not go back to school nor did I take any type of class to continue my education. I also did not do any kind of community service. Why? I have no clue. No time. I donated money, clothes, presents, school supplies, and all sorts of other things when I saw drives came about, but I did not go to my local soup kitchen to serve. So, my chair kicked it back to me telling me it was not completely filled out. I read it over and resubmitted it. I can not lie and say I did things that I did not do. She kicked it back again. I said that this is how it has to be because I do not have material to verify/support any other actions. I thought it was done.
Back to yesterday with the "HAVE to fill out forms"..........she continued "I'm getting angry and you don't want me to have to yell. You don't want to see my other side. I'm a Gemini and my other side is not nice!" Now, I may have been slightly amused if this had been in her office between the two of us. But it wasn't. I was a few feet away by the secretary's desk and she was in her office. This was a more stern tone than I have heard her use before. So, no kidding or sarcasm in there at all. Faculty were walking by and heard this. Students walked by and heard this. How can one be so unprofessional. And I do not take lightly to threats. So I had to walk near her door and say "I understand dual signs. I'm a Pisces and have another side, too. And you don't want to see that side, either."
Then, last night, I was speaking with the Accounting man & his boss came over. Now, the boss has no use for me. He will talk with people with whom I am standing with and not look me in the eye once. He was on the whole "Online Ethics" course we had to take or we'd be fired. I said to him "How ethical is it to threaten to fire people for not having completed an online ethics training earlier than the date set by the corporation?" He said "I'm not going to reply to that. However, I am telling my people, next time, that it is due a month earlier and if they don't finish it then I will fire them." WHAT????? Are you serious? These people are nuts.
I need OUT.
On to the Western front and my Cowboy dilemma. I miss him. A lot. I want this to work. I had all of these ideas about the holidays and thought it could be good. Then he tells me that he's thinking of moving back to Portland. My heart dropped. He had just told me repeatedly, before I got to Columbus, while I was in Columbus, and since I have returned from there, that he misses me and wants us to be together. Somehow, I got sucked in. Sad to say, he was one of the better ones I have dated....even with the dating these past eight months....he was the best. Sad. Yes. True. Very. I can't help it. And now here he is saying he thinks he wants to go back. Why? Its been three months and his job is not paying enough. His living situation is not what it should be. All his own fault. I pointed that out. I have been telling him since he got the job he has that it was supposed to be a temporary thing so that he'd have money to find another job. He didn't listen. The living situation is his doing. He's in a motel. Like an Extend Stay set-up. Why? His friend's, that he was staying with, lease was up at the end of Sept. That guy & his roommate moved out at the end of August & told Cowboy he could stay until the end of Sept. Cowboy was going to get his own apartment. Then the parents dangled the idea of them buying a house there and letting him rent from them. Financially he thought it would be a smart move, so he has been doing the extend stay deal since. Then the boss & he had a disagreement on the job. So he has not been given hours. So he has no money. And can't afford to stay in the extend more than another week or two. And it's easier to run back to home than it is to stick this out. I saw a TON of job postings while I was there. So many major companies are located there. Headquarters for Abercrombie and Limited are there and both have openings. Even OSU has openings he could apply for.
But its easier to run home. Its easier to get jobs that high shcool kids and people with no diplomas can get. Responsibility is too frightening. Becoming an adult is too much. Fulfilling promises requires too much effort. So run home. That's the answer. He was able to do the hardest thing by himself: move away from home. He went all of way to Ohio by himself. He knew his original place would be temporary. He knew he'd have to live alone and make it by himself. But those are pretty easy to do once you've driven 2000+ miles away from family.
And everything he promised me..............just words. That's all he has to offer. And I am back to where I had been before I saw him. Lost and alone.
To sum this up: no job and no man. Limbo with what to do with my life.
Yuck.
