Draining My Strength

Two weeks ago, I sent Cowboy a text because he owes me money. It was brief....to the point.... and specified that I did not want him to contact me. No money. I waited a week & last Wednesday I called and left him a message that, again, asked for him to send the check because I want(need) it. Here it is. A week later. Still no money. I am taking off this Wednesday and not calling, emailing, or texting him because if he didn't send it when I mentioned it to him in December, did not send it after receiving the text, and did not send it after hearing my voice on his voicemail, why would he all of a sudden send it because I call this week.

I want the money so I can have him out of my life completely. If he isn't going to pay it back, then be honest & send a text saying "Not sending it". Or something. But I am going bonkers waiting for it to arrive. And, yes, it will hurt when I get it (or is that 'if') because then there will be no need to ever contact him again, but I am not getting better. I was in tears last night over not talking to him anymore. Yeah--it's been 2 months. I know. It's just how it is for me.

I want my money.

The Calls

EW! Mr. Sarcasm called me at 5:50 last night. Thank goodness I was in class & did not see this until almost 9:00 pm. He did not leave a message. I can't figure out why he would even call me. I blocked him as I ended that stupid im conversation from Sunday night.

I decided to call Mr. Unemployed on my ride home from work yesterday. It went just as I imagined it. He asked me where I was. I said I had just left work. He was shocked at the time of evening that I was finishing up. And then it proceeded to become a conversation where he reminisced about his days in college & how he 'thinks kids are today'. Thanks, buddy, for speculating about my job and not talking to me instead. Great.

It was so painful and pointless to talk to him. UGH! Does anything really ever come of this site?

*And, the Doctor...the first one...not Dr. London.....'winked' at me. Hey loser! You did that 5 weeks ago & I sent you an email.....you sent one back...I replied nicely...and I never heard from you again. So, ummmmm, can you say no?

Should I See the Red Flags? Or Am I Being a Pessimist?

I finally had a chance to call Mr Unemployed. He sent me his # a week ago & I've been biding my time for many reasons. Anyway, I decided to try calling him on my ride home last night from the Farm. It rang & rang & rang & he never picked up. Why? He doesn't answer numbers that he does not recognize. Hello! Then why are you giving out your number to people you don't yet know?

I was not going to leave a message because if you give me your # and tell me to call & then you don't answer numbers that are not familiar.........wait. Why am I playing this game?

So I log on last night & there is his screenname. I imed him telling him that I tried to call but didn't leave a message. He says "Oh, that solves it. I was wondering who called me." Dumb.

It just bugs me.

Well, around 10 pm last night, I look at my blinking phone & see I have a text message:

"Have a good night. I will def pick up next time. Hope I didnt miss my one chance to talk with you"

UGH! Already you are texting me? Already you are doing the 'familiar' thing?

I really despise Cowboy for putting me in this situation! Really Really Despise!

It Played My Heartstrings

I saw "Music & Lyrics" last night & had such a good time. Okay, okay. I have not been to a movie since early November & I saw a re-release of a film.....not even a new one. And yet this weekend I saw two new films. Go figure! "M & L" has gotten some bad reviews but I thought it was sweet. Sure it wasn't Drew Barrymore's best role (she seemed too awkward in the part) and Hugh Grant had some weird dance moves that made his aging body look as if it were dry-heaving, but the whole movie was cute! Perfect date movie. If I had a date. Which I do not. Because the men I am meeting are not even worth the minutes in my cell plan, let alone time in the dark for them to wonder if there's a possible "kiss" moment that will (never) arise.

I liked this film so much I would even sit through it again in the theater. So so cute!

Mr. Sarcasm Makes A Cameo Appearance

I was looking up movie times last night and had taken the block off of my screen name......and the instant I did that, Mr. Sarcasm imed me. Here's how it went:


Sarcasm: hi
Me: hi
Sarcasm: how are you?
Me: good and you
Sarcasm: good. Hows the weekend going?
Me: fun but cold so far....y
Me: ur's?
Me: oops--your's?
Me: my laptop is sensitive today
Sarcasm: Its going ok
Sarcasm: like you :)
Me: ?
Sarcasm: sensitive. JK
Me: ummm.....whatever
Sarcasm: Im busting chops/ Thats why I put JK (just kidding)
Sarcasm: on you still on the site?
Me: sort of---im just logging on once a week til it runs out
Sarcasm: I dont even remember your porfile name. I havent talked to you inawhile
Me: you just checked me out a few days ago
Me: and why would you im someone you dont remember?
Sarcasm: cause if I have you on my AIM there is a good reason for it
Me: so do you remember me at all?
Me: name?
Sarcasm: if I saw your profile I would
Me: so you called someone (whom you don't remember) sensitive?
Me: I just want to make sure I have this correct
Sarcasm: I was busting chops cause of what you said before through IM
Me: okay....but what if I was one of the women who doesn't like or doesn't get
sarcasm?
Sarcasm: then I would apoligize and move on
Me: shouldn't you know with whom you are iming before you do that?
Sarcasm: the IM doesnt have any way to give me a nick to a face
Me: funny...I remember you...Mr. Sarcasm who lives in N. Bellmore, is a cop in
Brooklyn,serious(life threatening) motorcycle accident
Sarcasm: yep
Sarcasm: guess you are better than me
Me: has been on match a year......used to patrol the Bronx and let things like
open alcohol containers slide
Sarcasm: easy with that
Sarcasm: wait I think I remember
Sarcasm: you here?
Me: yes
Sarcasm: We have not met and I thihnk you told me about one you had met talking
about a pic you have up about beers being shown
Me: yes. And you shoud know my name, too
Sarcasm: see Im not crazy
Sarcasm: you live in levittown I thinik
Me: you only remember now because of all of the info I provided from conversations
we had. Had I left you to your own thoughts you'd have no idea......and no I
do not live in Levittown
Sarcasm: what are you talking about? ALl teh nifo you gave me.
Me: I have to get moving. Bye.
Sarcasm: should I now bother
Sarcasm: not bother*

I blocked him at this point & had to log off anyway. Is this the most ridiculous thing ever? How (and why) do you im someone you don't even remember? Psycho!

The 411 on Reno 911

Elaine (Crak) had to review "Reno:911" last night for her column and asked if anyone wanted to go. I have not been to a movie since early November so I figured I'd give it a shot.

We met at the Franklin Square cinema to see this pointless Comdey Central movie & find out just how bad it really is.

Oh, it's bad. But I did laugh. For a few reasons. The main one is that I just picture the students I work with who are in the crimial justice program to turn out to be like the officers in this film. Not too bright. Not too aware. Totally into themselves.

I was laughing so hard at one point I was in tears. This is a good thing, seeing as my tears are usually sad & over Cowboy. All I kept picturing was cameras planted at my job & that they got most of the script from my building. Frightening but so true.

If you want to laugh over jokes you already anticipate being made, this is the movie for you.

Dr. London

The latest email of interest is from a dr. in the city. He says he is from London, moved here 10 years ago, and has his own practice. Uh huh. We shall see. He does not have a picture displayed and that is because he does not want patients or colleagues to find out he is on this site.

I sent back an email asking him a few basic questions.....avoided the whole 'dr' thing......and requested a picture as well. I am thinking of asking him to meet me at Katwalk when I go in 3 weeks. May as well meet him someplace where I will be having fun no matter what.

The Update of Mr. Unemployed

So, Mr. Unemployed....it turns out.....has just started a new job after 6 months. Yes. He originally said 1 but now it sneaks in there as 6. That's a BIG difference. How does he plan to go out? I know he said last weekend he was so excited because he was going out to Chilis! Well, I like Chilis and all, but when you can barely afford to take yourself there, where are you taking me & am I paying? I don't mind paying for myself...or the guy.....see Cowboy relationship....but I am old-fashioned and do believe that if the man initiates the first couple of dates then he should plan the activity and pay. I've done enough "Bank of Grotter" transactions to not do it again.

We've emailed back & forth a couple of times. He's shy. He doesn't like bars or clubs (seems to be no negotiations on those), and he seems 'settled' in his own ways. He has one single guy friend who likes to go out late/bars/drunk women and Mr. Unemployed is not into that so it seems that he sits home a lot.

I may be making too many assumptions with this one, but I have not had luck on here yet, so I am not looking for much here either. When they start out lying (as all have so far) it doesn't get much better. Plus, I feel as if I am going to fill a huge void/hole and that is not what I want.

I figure I will call him today just to say 'hi' and see if I can even tolerate his voice. Although, I liked Mr. Law's voice at first & then it got all drippy & yucky.

UGH! Cowboy--You Suck!

So This Is Rockbottom

I broke down & called Cowboy minutes ago. Remember, there is still the issue of him owing me money. I had sent him a text last week about it & asked him to just send it and that the receiving of it would be enough for me. Well, here it is. One week later. No check. No money. So I called & (thank goodness) it went to voicemail. Still his phone. So I left a message just saying I want it back. It took all of my strentgh. I was proud ......... my voice didn't waiver once. I got through it without cracking or choking. However, when I hung up, my hands were shaking so bad that I dropped the phone. Sad, aren't I? He still has such an effect on me almost 2 months later. Any advice? Does anyone have a remedy for this?

The Mafia Owns Carle Place

I finally got the chance to dine at Ciao Baby. I have been wanting to eat there for over 4 years now. I had heard about it from a student who went with his wife & her family. He kept saying they went to this great italian restaurant "C. Ow. Baby" (the phonetic spelling of what he said). He also said "My wife is 100% italian........I'm spanish...what do I know about good italian food? They LOVED IT!" An intalian liking italian restuarant food? It must be good.

So I went to Carle Place to see what all of the hype was about. Walking in was like entering a 'Sopranos' episode. Johnny, Tony, Peepo, and Joey were all at the door to greet me when I walked in. Thank goodness I had called ahead to be put on the list so my wait would be less than 1/2 the time as if I had just walked in.

The place is dark, narrow, and crammed with tables. The bar area appeared spacious, but I didn't have the chance to find out. I was seated quickly by Gianni and met my 2 waitstaff members. One would take care of my beverages & dessert and the other for my appetizer & entrees. The portions, although not family-style, are tremendous and they do recommend sharing. The waiter also said that if I do not see it on the menu, they can and will still prepare for me anything I request.

I ordered an appletini and was so happy when it came with a green apple slice garnishing the edge. I then listened to the specials and decided on the fried crab-stuffed ravioli (that tasted much like good crab cakes) and a stuffed rigatoni.

While waiting for the food, Gianni came back & explained that two HUGE parties were moving into the section and I had first dibs on the booth that just opened up. I was all too happy to not have to sit near the incoming groups & grabbed my martini & scurried to the booth. I waited a bit longer, listening to Frank Sinatra (and lucky me...I got to watch him on the tv screens they had ther as well). I am not a "Blue-Eyes" fan at all & think that one must be italian to appreciate him.
*sidenote*Mr. Italy used to have Dean Martin's "That's Amore" as his voicemal song.....UGH! It always drove me nuts calling & hearing that.

My food came &, yes, the portions were way too big. I loved the crab ravioli but was less-than-impressed with the rigatoni. The sauce tasted like something from a can. The appletini was so strong that it took forever to finish the dinner only because with each sip it went right to my head & legs.

When I was finished & ready to leave, Gianni came back & said I should go to the bar for 'drinks on him' because I was so cooperative for moving tables. I thanked him & declined and he tried to insist again, but there would be no way for me to drive for the next 10 hours if I had done that.

Overall, the experience was nice & I'd definately go back for another appletini, but I'll have to go with people 'more italian' so this Irish Lassie doesn't stand out too much!

Mr. Unemployed

The latest un-match that has begun is with a man who has been out of a job for over a month. I have nothing against this...I dated Cowboy who had 7 jobs in 3 1/2 years. I know that companies lay off due to contracts ending and them literally having no work for an entire sector of their employees. However, I am not sure if meeting people and trying to date them while budgeting is the smartest thing to do.

I have not asked him what it is "he does" because, as far as I can tell, he doesn't. He emailed me a nice letter filled with similar interests & questions for me. Good start. I replied. He then sent me his screen name for aol and we have chatted just this morning. Nothing major. Nothing earth-shattering. Nothing that has made him stand out (yet) from any of the other freaks, self-proclaimed geeks, and weirdos that have crossed my path so far.

His last email to me was an hour ago with his cell # and a statement saying "I am not usually this forward, but you seem really nice and I thought it'd be easier if we talk on the phone to see if we 'click'". That is what they all have said so far.

The problem? The ones that I have gone out with and talked with (at length) all think we "clicked" and I thought I had sent CLEAR signals that it was a "no-go" for me. All of this game-playing, first date jittering, and aimless 'getting to know you' crap is wearing thin on my nerves & patience.

I guess we shall soon find out the fate of Mr. Unemployed.

Valentine's Day (Do I Have To?)

I guess I should wish everyone a Happy Valentine's Day!

Nohea Ahiahi

JW & I had not been out in a few weeks & had a lot of catching up to do. I had been on the aolcityguide & read that a coconut martini had made the top 10 list for LI Drinks. Well.........anything coconut & anything served in a martini glass is something this girl has got to try. I mentioned it to him & he was game. So we made reservations for Blue Honu and waited with growling stomachs.

The reservations were for 5:30 (sucky) but they only had that or 9:30 available. Neitehr of us wanted o sit down to eat at that hour so we opted for the early bird time. When we walked in, the place was practically empty. ???!!!??? There were three tables occupied & that was about it. I looked to see if they were setting up for a large group or party. Nope. We were quickly seated at the window so we could watch as all of the passersby froze on their way to find something.

It was a great place with a (albeit) pricey menu. We quickly ordered & got to talking & catching up with all of the drama stories that have happened in the last 6 weeks. I had cab corn chowder & a burger............along with the yummiest martini ever! It was coconutty...pineappley and rimmed with toasted coconut flakes. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.............( so good that I bought the mixings for it last night & enjoyed a glass & a 1/2).

We left there close to 8 and headed off to get coffee. I must say that BH is a fun place to go. However, I will be sitting at the bar next time & ordering only appetizers, as they are always the best.

A No-Go to Italy

Mr. Italy has not changed a bit. We were supposed to hang out tonight. He pressured me to "swing by Brooklyn" to see his new apartment & hang out there....translation: he thinks something is going to happen. Nope. I wanted to go out.....drinks.....dance......coffee........

Not him. We left off with ims last night saying he'd call me. He did. At 7:45. It came up 'private'. He left me a mumbled message with no number at which to reach him & said he'd call back. He hasn't. Am I surprised? Not in the least. This is him. But I am not going to waste any more time emailing or iming with him.

Why are they all so weird?

The Blow-Off Line Blew The Wrong Way!

At 8:15 this morning I received a text from Mr. Law: "Hi!"

I saw it at 9am and did not bother to reply.

At 10am I got another one "Hi"

So I sent it back with the same greeting.

At 11:15 am "How's the meeting?"

I sent it back 20 minuts later...."Boring"

I get it back rather quickly "Its hectic here. I wish I had boring" ( Which my mind is screaming "YOU ARE BORING")

He then calls my cell at 12:45 "Hey you. I just wanted to call on my short lunch break to say hi and see how things are going. I have a meeting, a trial and another meeting all this afternoon. Hope you are having fun at the meeting"

'Hey you'? I don't have a name? Or you are sooooooooooo comfortable with me & have moved our non-relationship up a few levels that this is the cutesy thing to do. How about don't?

I ignore it. I get a text this evening: "So how was your day?"

I waited an hour to send it back "Fine" He sends it back right away "That's good. Mine was crazy." I sent it back "So are you on your way to Fla?" "No, I had to work late & will check now for availability."

I was on aol and didn't know that he was on & didn't block him or put up an away message fast enough & there it is: "So what type of food do you like?" I sent it back "All types." He sends it again "Do you like to eat in Manhattan or LI?" I said "Why?" He sends it "Because I wanted to think of a place to take you to dinner." I sent it back "Thank you, but I'll have to say no. I don't see this going anywhere." "Okay. We are different. I like to be active. I like to work out." "I like to be active and work out, too." "You need someone with family here." "True." "I am here alone. Very hard." "I am sure and can't even imagine." "It was nice meeting you. You have all of the qualities I am looking for in a woman." "Thanks. Good luck."

And let's hope that is the end of the Trial of Grotter.

The Lawyer, The Bookstore, and the Ominous Impending Doom

I was all set to meet Mr. Law at 9pm at B&N for coffee & conversations. We left off with I would call him to let him know I had finished at work & was on my way. I called at 8:55 to say I would be there in five minutes. He says he'll be there at that time, too. I said I wanted to look for a book I needed & this is where it gets weird: "So do you want me to go to TJ Max while you look for the book?" "No. You can look in the store, too, if you want." "Well, I just don't want you to think I am smothering you if I tag along." "Umm....well, we are meeting in a bookstore so why not look around while we are there?" "Do you want to go to the gym with me? We could do that instead." "I just came from work & am all dressed and I don't go to gyms, and we did say we'd meet for coffee." "I guess you're right, but I have a visitor's pass if you want to go." "Again, thanks, but no. I am all dressed & have no clothes to use for working out." "Well, we could sit in the sauna and talk." "You can go to the gym and I will be at the store buying my book & getting coffee. I will be on the second level in the far right-hand corner."

I get there precisely at 9pm and go off to find my book. I figured he'd be there within 5 minutes so I stalled, hoping to meet in the rows of books rather than right in the front of the store where all can see & hear us greet eachother for the first time. 9:10......9:20......no word......9:25 I decide to get on line & buy my book so I can go home. I had decided I didn't really want to meet him and was only going through with this ebcause I have found that if I take all opportunities, the one I really want does come along. Whereas if I close one door too soon....there aren't any open.

Well, there's one clerk at the registers and the customer up there is arguing something about her membership lapsing but she wants to renew at the un-lapsed price. So it takes a few minutes before the clerk can help me. Isn't that when he texts me? "Where are you?" I sent it back "In the store". "But where".........and I look up as I am texting a response to see this guy staring at me.

It's him.

He is 2-3 inches shorter than he claimed & his hair was supposed to be blondish & was brown. He did not look at all like I expected him to look. So I shook his hand & said it was nice to finally meet him. We went to the counter to get coffee & I ordered my decaf, nonfat, caramel macchiatto. He looks at me and says "wow." I said "What?" He said "What is that?" I replied with "Don't you go to Starbucks?" "Nope" He got a diet soda.

I told him to take his soda & sit while I fixed my coffee. He follwed me instead. I could see I was leading this whole thing so I did what I had to do and then walked past him to sit down. I took off my coat (and I looked good by the way.....red sweater, black skirt & heels) and he just stood there. I went with the idea that if this lawyer with free airline travel for 2 all of the time on Delta is worth anything, I may as well look killer amazing. I know that sounds so "un-me" but I am sad, depressed, finding incompatible weirdos, and want to have a relationship and if this is the way to do it, so be it. He sits down & then quickly stands up to take off his black bulky sweater so he can sit in his black tshirt with his muscley biceps sticking out. Yeah--not impressed. And I am into arms........but the whole package had turned me off already so this did nothing to sway me.

I asked him if he was going to Fla this weekend as he had whined about earlier. "Well, I don't want to go alone & I have this "thing" that I feel as if the plane is going to crash or something." I said I'd go anyway seeing as the chances of that happening are slim to none. He said "I don't feel like going alone. You can still come if you want to." "ummm.....we talked about this, remember?" "Yeah. It's too soon. I guess you are right." Ah, the statement of the evening. Right up there with Mr. Box of Rox's "Absolutely".

So we talked a bit more. I asked him about his bias towards uneducated people. He whined a bit that he wants someone who can speak with professionals. I pointed out that just because someone has a degree it only makes them wise in that area. They can still be a moron. He said he likes someone who can speak well.....like me. I said "I can do the Long Island thing instantly (and did it) if you'd like". To which he recoiled and looked at me as if I had lost it. Shocking to many who have heard me speak without it.

I tried to talk about music and concerts & the beach & casinos but he kept going to students & school and plagiarism. BORING! And that's what I said to him. He then smiles at me and says "You are a beuatiful, intelligent woman. Your ex is a fool to have let you go." I said "I know. They are all fools for having done so. " and I smiled that fecicious grin that I do every now and again. He was serious. I was screwing around.

At 10:25 I decided it was time to go. I figured I'd be there an hour & then leave. An hour is good whether you like the person or not. It gives a fair assessment of whether you would want to sit with them again or if there is just nothing between you. So I told him I had meetings today--true---and that it was best if I went home to prepare for them. He offered to walk me to my car because he was staying at the bookstore. I said "That's okay, thank you, but I walked myself in here." He said "No no. It's not right for you to leave alone." I said "I came in alone. I'm a big girl & I think I can walk myself out." So he walked me to the door & I immedaitely stuck out my hand so we could shake....no more awkward NYU moments for me! My final words were "I'll speak to you soon!" good blow-off line if you ask me.

I pretty much ran out of there as fast as my heels could go. Thank goodness I will never have to do that again.

The Best Advice Ever

While sitting in a (pointless) meeting today, I was sharing my tales of bad dates. One woman said that she figured E. and I could walk into a place and have no trouble finding someone. I told her (& others) that once they hear what you do they tell a horror story of a wretched English teacher & walk away. So Dr. Film turns around and says

"So tell them you teach Sex. Ed."

OH. MY. GOD. That is so awesome! So I will now be using this as my resposne. Isn't this great?

Shout Out to BK

Well, Mr. Italy sent me an email yesterday that it was nice talking & wanted to know if I missed him. Again, that was always his thing.

Quick refresher: He & I hung out maybe 15 times between November and July after Gameboy & at the beginnings of Cowboy.

We went out to eat once, drink twice, and a movie. The rest of the time he wanted to hang out at his apartment and ..............well.....................anyway.......................

I never considered him much of anything except an interim. He was inconsistent & vague. All of the time. That was the one thing he was consistent with.

So I emailed him back and said it was nice to chat but I see he has not called me even though I had imed him my number at the end of that chat session. He sends back an email asking for it again. I sent it. No call.

I sign on to my account last night & see he's on. So since he imed and emailed me the last two times initiating this contact, I decided to send him the im. He sent it back asking if I missed him. I said no, but I had been thinking about him recently. He asked why. I told him that I just went through a break up & that this is when all past things come back out of the woodwork. I told him how Gameboy was back around & now him. He said "What was I to you?" I told him "An interim". He said "Oh. I thought we were more than that." I pointed out that in order to be more than that you have to put effort into it and see eachother more than once every other week. He didn't see why I didn't view him as a boyfriend. I told him that he wasn't and that's it. I reminded him of the last time we hung out. He immediately asked "Did I look good? Do you remember?" I said "Yes". He then asked me to describe what I remember. I told him to stop being so self-centered and vain. He said he wasn't but wanted to know. Oh god...the ego. I forgot about it.

He wanted to hang out last night but I said no. I said Friday would be good. So, typical Italy, said "Come to my place". I said no. I told him if he wants to get together he can come this way & we can get drinks or dinner or something. I said he'd have to call me as well as I am not doing this over an instant message. My phone was off & charging and isn't when he called? How do I know? A message came through about 2 minutes after we had chatted that did not provide a phone number and there was nothing there. Do you see why, Mr. Italy, this was never a relationship?

Mr. Law is Overbearing/Insecure/Snob......

Last night's im with Mr. Law ended odd in that I sent him something & he didn't reply. I wanted to sign off & figured he'd either become occupied with something else or didn't see it, so I logged out. I got a text this morning around 9 am saying "hi". I saw it at 10ish & sent back "Hi to you too". He sent another one a little after 11 telling me his computer froze. I sent it back saying that's too bad. He sends it back immediately asking if he can call me. I said fine.

He called while I was on break at work & his first question to me is "So why did your last relationship end?" I said I didn't feel like talking about it and fired the same question back at him. Turns out his last major relationship was almost 4 years ago & she was married at the time they met & started dating. She wanted out & used him to do so. They lived together for a couple of years & she grew tired of him not making the money she wanted to be supported with so she left him to pursue older, richer men. Ummm.....you dated a married woman idiot.

Similar followed for the next 3 years & he is bitter towards NY women in general. I said that's too bad. I wanted to change the topic and asked "So why did you text me all of that earlier?" He responds with "That's a loaded question." I asked him how was it loaded. He replied with "well, I can tell you the truth, I can tell you what you want to hear, or I can tell you what I think you want to hear". I said I wanted the truth. He said the truth was his computer froze and he didn't want me to think that he was ignoring me or that his wife came in the room. I said that I never even considerd things like that because he said he isn't married so why would I concoct a wife that he claims does not exist? I asked about the statements he "thinks" I'd want to hear. He said "Oh because I missed hearing your voice and wanted to talk to you". I said that a response like that would be psychotic. He laughed and asked why would I say that. I pointed out how we have yet to even meet in person and it would take a few months of dating for me to accept some odd comment such as that one.

We chatted more & I had to get going because I had class.

He called me while I was at the Farm and I picked up. Big mistake. I said "Hello?" He said "Hey you". Whoah! I already don't have a name & I'm a "hey you" person on the list. I don't like this. His first question was "I hear the internet has caused a huge problem with plagiarism at the college level. How do you deal with this?" An odd question, but I answered. He then said "Okay, but what if they take info from various sites & you can't find one specific source that they downloaded a paper from?" I answered that as well. "But what if they've just read the piece a lot and have discussed it with other teachers, say from high school, and they don't even realize that their idea isn't really their's? Isn't that plagiarism? And how do you deal with that?" I shot back with "Counselor, I feel like I am a witness being badgered" (he laughs) and I continued "Do you talk like this to everyone?" He said "No". I said "Then you just speak to me this way?" "No." I laughed and said "then what is it?" He became a bit aggitated and said "I thought you wanted someone who connected with you on levels and I am trying to show you that I am keeping up with your profession and that I understand what it is you go through". Oh if he only knew what I really go through. I replied with "Well, that's very nice but I don't define myself wholly by my job. I want to connect with someone on levels of conversation, movies, values, food, music........ have you ever had a song stuck in you rhead and youtried everything to get rid of it but it isn't working?" So he asks "What is the group?" Now, I would have asked 'what song' but not Mr. Law. I told him Nickelback. He said "Who? I'm old remember? I don't know the names of these new little groups." "Hello? They are not a new little group. They have been around a couple of years, are all in the later 30s and opened for Bon Jovi this past summer. As well they just had concerts in the city in November." He was silent and said "Oh yeah?"

At this point I said I had to go but I could call him for my ride to my next stop if that was okay. He said fine.

I like talking on the phone while I drive because it limits the time I have to talk to someone. especially when I am not sure I want to, or should be talking to, that person. So when I called back he answered "hey you". I just said "Hi. Mr. Law. It's Grotter". I asked him if he had bothered to look up Nickelback and he hadn't. I pointed out that if was taking an interest in such a younger woman he would have done so already.

Moving on I asked him if he was still going to Fla. this weekend. He said that his friend backed out & he wished he had a girlfriend to go with instead. I said I wish I was just going to Fla....with someone or alone.....wouldn't matter to me. It's at this point he says "So come with me." Kidding around I replied "Okay". He was shocked & silent. I giggled and said "Lighten up. I was kidding!" He said "We could get separate rooms if you didn't want to share." I said "I can't go away with you. I haven't even met you yet". "No really, we can get separate rooms That's okay with me". BELLS AND WHISTLES GOING OFF BIG TIME

"Ummm......no. Sorry but I have this policy that I don't go away with men I don't know. Call me crazy but it's worked for me so far."

So I told him about Cowboy because he asked again & then he said "Describe him to me. Age, height, hair & eye color, education, job" I said "Why?" He said it would give him insight into the kind of guy I go for. Well, I pointed out that it didn't work and I may not want that type again. I also pointed out that he is too hung up on the education thing and just because you have a degree doesn't make you a genius in the dating world.

I won't go on much longer. But I will say that this guy is already trying too hard in that he tihnks he knows women and yet is applying all of the wrong issue sto me. He asks me a question, interrupts my response and tells me how I am wrong about something specific to myself. I am meeting himfor coffee.....who knows why....but I have this feeling that I will be walking out leaving him there. Just a hunch.

I Have Become One of "Those" People That I Can't Stand

You know....the ones who are always on the phone. The ones who are too insecure to not be talking with someone. I am not sure when it happened. It may even be just the next phase in this healing process. I have no clue. But I noticed in the last week that I am driving and talking on the phone. To match people, to Gameboy, to any man apparently. That I just noticed. I do not talk to women. Just men. Weird. Must be some latent, repressed, whatever thing that is going on with the Cowboy break-up.

For example, I tried calling Mr. Law on the way back to work tonight because he had called me earlier but I was not able to talk at the time. He didn't pick up so I just hung up.

Keep in mind my ride to work is less than 8 minutes in length. The whole way over I kept thinking of who to call and what would I talk about.

So I leave work tonight.........which has me ticked off with their stupid rules & other stuff.................and I call Mr. Law again since he did call me yesterday (see previous post for that) and we talked for a few minutes. Turns out it's his birthday (he's old...let's leave it at that)and he is looking for parking because he is out for drinks with friends.

I say "That's so nice!" He says "I'd rather be out with you." So I roll my eyes and say "You are so silly. Come on! Your friends have you out in Manhattan for drinks and celebration and it will be so fun!" "Yeah, I guess" is his reply.

Why do guys do this? That whole "Oh I wish it was you" thing? If we were standing in front of one another and he did this, that'd be fine...stupid but fine. But we haven't even met yet & he's doing that already. I find it weird and bothersome. Others may find it cute. If so, let me know who you are & I'll pass on your info to the Lawyer.

When I hung up with him I dialed Gameboy. We talked and flirted too until I pulled up at home. That's when I was all too happy to hang up. It's cold out. I don't want to sit in my cold car when I could be in the nice warm house. I usually hang up with him having giggled and rolling my eyes, so all is well with that.

He does owe me dinner. Let's see if that ever happens.

The Lawyer

I received an email from the site on Saturday from Mr. Law. He sounded intelligent, so I read his profile. He seems interesting, has travelled a lot, and wants someone who "likes the finer things in life". Hey buddy...if your paying I will like them!

So I sent him back an email that was very direct. I told him what I do and a bit about my views & values that I deem important to me & a person I may potentially date. He responded quickly and then gave me his # as he'd be in the neighborhood.

I was driving to meet KDP for dinner so I decided to call. Calling while heading towards a destination is great because if it's painful, the conversation is extremely limited and the perosn realizes you are hanging up because of the tast at hand, and not the fact that they are making you wish you stuck your finger in your eye and swirled it around for a bit.

Mr. Law has a nice voice, speaks well, and asked me about teaching Eglish. We talked for 20 minutes and all went well. Until the end when he said "We should meet up sometime soon to discuss 'War & Peace'". This may seem funny to some of you but he was serious. I had to tell him 3 times that my friend was waiting for me & had to go. He didn't get and finally said "Oh. You have to go?" Umm...he was talking about geneology and how he would like to do some medical test to determine exactly where his ancestors are from. He knows his background, but would like to pinpoint specific towns. Hello? Can we say Chanel bag is so much more functional than some test?

So, today he called my cell & left me the most vague mesage that said: "It's Mr LAw going to lunch if youw ant to give me a call". I did not hear the Mr. Law part & played it 3 times until I think I heard that.

And as I am on AOl this evening he ims me. Here's how it went:

ML: hey
me: hi
ML: how are you doing?
me: freezing!
ML: Yeah I will probably go to Fla or Mexico this weekend to warm up
me: that's right, rub it in
ML: well, if we were dating you'd be going with me
me: yeah--I guess that's how it would work
did you call me today?
ML: yes, from work.
me: Oh, I thought so but wasn't sure because it was so vague and so soft spoken
ML: Oh, okay. I am at work. I have to be professional.

......randon crap random crap randon crap................

me: so, if I may ask, what is it that you do for a lviing? I told youand we even talked about it a bit, but I do not know what it is you do.
ML: I'm a lawyer for Child Services. I hope you approve.
me: Of?
ML: me

this is where I got lost...............

me: I only ask because many find my profession to be a deterrent. But not to a
lawyer I guess.
ML: only to those uneducated. I find it a HUGE asset

He then goes on to tellme how he can not and will not date someone who does not have at least a BA. I pointed out that this does not necesarily mean anything, but he disagreed for his personal reasons. That's fine. But IF eel like I amgoing up against someone who "thinks who he is". Being a snob is one thing. An academic snob is another. And full of yourself is something I ca not deal with. I will keep trying withhim, but I am not promising anything.

The Never Gonna Happen Meeting with Mr. Sarcasm

So Mr. Sarcasm has been iming me the instant my name pops up on the aol screen. My laptop is running slow lately and the screen is not even open when his im appears on my screen. Had we gone out on a couple of dates, I may find this charming or endearing. But, we've talked on the phone 4 times & chatted a bit, but that's it.

And each time we talk I become more and more turned off by him. He discloses way too much information to me. He doesn't ask me questions about myself, other than the married "How was your day?" question. Bleh!

He called me while I was out with MIU last week & left me -- count them -- two messages. So I felt bad & called him back. He pounced and wanted to know when we could meet. I was trapped and told him we could meet on Monday at 7:30ish.

So Wednesday I get the email "When are we meeting again?" and I said Monday. Thursday he called and talked about horrific things he's seen as a cop that I specifically asked him to stop telling me about. I should have hung up the phone but I felt it would be rude....stupid manners....and stayed on.

I get the email Saturday about us meeting on Monday. It's confirming the time and place AGAIN! Am I the only one listening to our conversations?

And what's in my inbox for emails today? Another one saying how nice it is that we are meeting tonight at 7:00. Wait. We said 7:30. And now I am not going. Not because he go the time wrong but it's too cold out, I forgot I have a midterm to create, and I am not interested!

I have also checked my profile and every time he talks to me he checks out my profile. How about if you haven't retained any of the info from it or from speaking with me, I can't be bothered. I need someone with some form of memorization skills. ACK!

What's Up, Doc?

I have been slacking on my Match men posts. I will start with Doc. He is not a real doctor, nor do I actually know why he would refer to himself as such. It's his screen name on the site & it's even his email address. He sent me an email when I first signed up three weeks ago & I replied. We email-tagged on the site for two days & then he told me to email him at his personal account. So I did. And it took him 2 weeks to reply. I lost interest by this point. And when he did reply it was him asnwering my questions and not asking me any. So I have gone off to seek a second opinion. See ya, Doc!

Cabo Cabo Cabo

Elaine & I were supposed to head in to Don Hills (I thought it was dunhills.....don't ask) last night to see her ex, TLS, play with his new band. It took me 50 minutes to get to Valley Stream & it seemed to take almost as long to get to the sation because people can't drive.

I bought my ticket, not noticing all of the people milling around in an odd and confused manner, and plowed up the stairs to wait in the little room until our train arrived. We get in to the waiting room & an announcement comes on "Please be advised that due to the inclement weather, the Rockaway, Babylon, and Hempstead lines are temporarily suspended". WHAT??? Okay, it's cold and raining outside, but it's not inclement weather. Why are we not on a train?

So we hang around. E. textx TLS to tell him we are running late. We wait longer. I text Gameboy to see if he knows why this is happening (he did work on subways & knows MTA people). He has no clue. E. texts TLS again to say we won't be making it because it is now almost 8:30 and he goes on at 9 and we will only get there by 10ish IF the trains start moving. He texts her to take a taxi and he'll pay. Ummm......no. It's one thing if he sent a car from his car service, but I do not think taxi cabs run into lower Manhattan from Valley Stream.

So now what? We head to RVC to find a bar. We need drinks and men.....in either order. We ended up at Cabo, a cute little bar/restaurant in the heart of the village. E. ordered a Mexican slide (Friday's mudslide) and I ordered a Sangria which was very yummy.

We people-watched. No good-looking guys there! So, to sober up a bit, we went to Starbucks and sat there drinking coffee. We rambled on about who knows what, but it was fun because I remember giggling a lot.

I got hom early (11:30) and settled in to watch a movie. I didn't notice it, but my phone had a message left at midnight. Gameboy called. Why? To say "hi". This is the second time ina week. Again, may I remind all of youthat he never called me when we dated and it was I had to call him. Now with the policy in place he can call me? I am so confused.

I found out this morning that there were power lines down on the track in the VS area and that is why we did not make it to the show. Darn!

Happy Groundhog Day!

Phil & Charlie didn't see their shadows today for it is too overcast to see much of anything. Does this mean Spring will come sooner? Doubtful. But that's okay. And, I posted this last year, but I still find it funny:

"How much ground could a groundhog hog if a groundhog could hog ground? Only the Shadow knows!"

I am so corny!

The Blogger Anniversary

I just realized that I started posting one year ago on Feb. 1st. I can't figure out how (or why) I have kept up with this, but I have. In one year's time, I have posted over 210 commentaries, laughed, cried, travelled, met new people, gotten my heart broken, and had amazing adventures. That's all in one year. I wonder what the next has in store. Guess you'll all have to keep 'posted' to find out!

Totally Random!

So I was logged on to AOL to check out some stuff & an IM comes through. "Hey" is all it says. I look at the name & it's Mr. Italy....the guy I was "seeing" between Gameboy & Cowboy. There was nothing there between us (if you ask me) but it kept me busy and helped me to move on. He was not right for me then.

So I send it back "hello?" and he says "don't you know who this is?" and I said "i think so, but am not sure". He sends it back "Vin. don't you remember me? I am crying now that you've forgotten about me".

The last time I saw him (or even heard from him) was summer of '02 when I was dating Cowboy. We met up at a Fridays (or something) and talked and drank & he got a bit pushy (as he always did) and I wasn't feeling it because I had feelings for Cowboy.

So, here we are so many years later & he asks if I am with anyone. I sent it back that it just ended. He's not in anything either. And so it begins: "so did you miss me?" That was always his question to me. I didn't know enough about him to miss him nor do I enjoy flirting that way when you didn't miss me except for the idea that it may be a hook-up for you...loser. He asked me what I am doing this weekend & I told him to meet me in the city tonight because I am going with Elaine (& others) to see TLS play in his new band. He sends it back "swing by Brooklyn". Ummmmm.............who 'swings by' Brooklyn? That's like saying "Hey? Going to the city? Stop by Newark first!" So I sent him my # and said to call & come. He won't.

I will get a call from him in like 2 weeks on a random Tuesday and he'll say "Hey. How's it going? Miss me?" and he won't say his name. He won't say my name. This is his noncommittal way of keeping women at arm's-length and still trying to have fun.

I must say that when I knew him he was hot. As in Hottie Danny hot. But it's been almost 5 years and we know what happened with Gameboy's hair. ISSUES! Anyway, let's hope.

When It Catches Up With You

I have been running continuously since Cowboy destroyed me. I have gone back to work (occupational hazzard of the educational profession) and I have taken every "out" that has come along & even made some of my own.

The problem? The tears haven't lessened. I can cry at a moment's notice. And I am tired. I don't mean "Oh I need to lay down for a little while" tired. I mean I had to cancel plans for last night (and non-existent plans with Crak that I didn't know about) and I laid down at 9:00 to watch t.v. and fell asleep at 9:30. My mother vacuumed (literally) around me and I didn't blink. I woke up at 7:30 this morning to realize that I hadn't gone to bed. Shocker! To say the least.

And can I point out that people who continue to bash Cowboy to me aren't doing anything except hurting me. I get it. You don't like him. I understand you "hate him for what he has done". I can't bring myself to hate him. I loved him & still do. I wish he was in love with me. I can't take the last 4 1/2 years & pretend they didn't happen. I can't take the feelings I have and say "Oh well!" and move on. I thought he was my future & was thrilled with this notion. I am not able to shut it off like a switch as I can with most feelings for people or things. So, Yes, you are entitled to feel however you want to about him. This does not mean I have to listen to it. To top it off, let me point out those of you who still pine away for someone who you dated....and to some of you who didn't date "that someone" but were friends with just so you could be close to them and have that 'unrequited love' crap that I stood by you for. Was it 4 1/2 years of love, memories, trips, pain, and support? Was it real enough to consider having as your future? No? Then leave me alone. Yes, I may be wallowing in this but I can't make myself stop having feelings for him. But, I am also the one who is going out. All of the time. Yes, the running is exhausting but I have not gone hermit & I am trying to find someone to occupy my time so I don't cry on the drive home after the evening's festivities are over. So, give me what I need & if you do care for me at all you will be patient and understanding rather than trashing the guy I still am in love with.