I had to say goodbye to MIU last night. We met up at Starbucks & sat for our last caramel macchiato together. He & Mr. Baseball leave for Cali. on Wednesday of next week. (insert tear here). I am sad to see him go as our friendship was growing & who is going to sit and tell me things about beer, hot sauce, and explain men? But the two of them are happy to set out on this new adventure & phase in their lives. I wish them well & at the same time envy them because they have eachother & are willing to take the risk. I don't have that risk-taker thing in me & wish I did at times. I'd probably still be with Cowboy if I had that quality.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I got a message from Gameboy on Monday night. All it said was to call him back. So I did. I now had to leave him a message. He called back but I was asleep & left another telling me to call him. ??? He NEVER calls. I always have to call & he will call back. That's how it works with him. That is one of the things that annoyed me when we dated. Anyway, I decided to call him Tuesday morning on my way to work. I siad "Hey! I am returning your call. What's up?" He said "Nothing. I called just to say 'hi'". ??? (insert confused look here). "Umm....you called to say 'hi'? Really?" "Yeah. Why wouldn't I?"
So we chatted a bit and teased one another & he said we have to do Friday again. He then told me how he's going away on two weeks for the weekend. I said "That's nice. Why was I not invited?" He said "Because you go away like every three weeks!" (Which was true last year but not this year.)
My question is: why is he telling me that he'll be away two weeks from now? This was not a "hey I am going away" thing. This was a "I want you to know I won't be here in two weeks because I am going away for the weekend."
I mentioned this to MIU & he smiled..............laughed to himself (at my expense) ......................................and said "Yeah. There are knots in this."
GREAT!
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Sandy Beach Martinis Lead to Phone Calls Where You Believed There Was A "No Strings" Policy But A Knot May Have Formed
I met up with KDP for the third time in 3 days & went to a martini bar down in Long Beach. Angel Fish is a cute little restaurant with a bar that has stools & nice leather couches for minglers & smoochers to congregate. We got there around 10 last night & it was pretty empty. She ordered a Razza-tini and I had a Sandy Beach......something with Malibu, some other liquor, orange & pineapple juice. If a sandy beach were edible, this is what it would taste like.
We hung around for about 2 hours talking & chatting & texting Elaine, who asked me to break up the monotomy of her date and then didn't answer. I went back to KDP's apt for about 45 minutes & then got on the road to head home.
I called Gameboy, as I have been with a buzz going on, and reminded him I had his pen from Tuesday night. He said come over. I said okay. Things were fun but went futher than expected. What I mean by that last statement is this: We laughed & talked & he held me like he did the other night while we relaxed together. Then it began. "Do you remember that Valentine's Day when..............." and "Do you know I found the ticket stub to the concert we went to at MSG" and "I remember that night we went to......... and you were wearing.........."
I asked him how he remembers all of this. He said he remembers things that are special and important to him. So I asked how his other ex-gfs react when he can recall so much. He said he doesn't do this for them. I asked why and he said because they don't stand out as much.
.......................................................
I asked him if he's okay with this situation. He said he's fine with it as long as I am. I asked him how many other exes he's helping out this way. None. He "said" he has had offers & requests, but doesn't want to. I asked why not. He said he has his reasons. Then he went back to recalling things from six years ago and I laid there smiling and listening to him.
I left there at 2:45 to go home and didn't fall asleep until well after 4. I am tired. I am nervous. I was happy with the arrangement. However, I may be reading into it too much or I may be right, but I think he's not looking at this as "long-term fun" but a stepping stone to something. I hope not.
BUT---can I tell you one of my favorite things of all time? Waking up the next morning to smell a guy's cologne in my hair. I haven't had that since September and it was so nice. It is one of the things that can put an instant smile on my face. I have to remember to thank Gameboy for that.
We hung around for about 2 hours talking & chatting & texting Elaine, who asked me to break up the monotomy of her date and then didn't answer. I went back to KDP's apt for about 45 minutes & then got on the road to head home.
I called Gameboy, as I have been with a buzz going on, and reminded him I had his pen from Tuesday night. He said come over. I said okay. Things were fun but went futher than expected. What I mean by that last statement is this: We laughed & talked & he held me like he did the other night while we relaxed together. Then it began. "Do you remember that Valentine's Day when..............." and "Do you know I found the ticket stub to the concert we went to at MSG" and "I remember that night we went to......... and you were wearing.........."
I asked him how he remembers all of this. He said he remembers things that are special and important to him. So I asked how his other ex-gfs react when he can recall so much. He said he doesn't do this for them. I asked why and he said because they don't stand out as much.
.......................................................
I asked him if he's okay with this situation. He said he's fine with it as long as I am. I asked him how many other exes he's helping out this way. None. He "said" he has had offers & requests, but doesn't want to. I asked why not. He said he has his reasons. Then he went back to recalling things from six years ago and I laid there smiling and listening to him.
I left there at 2:45 to go home and didn't fall asleep until well after 4. I am tired. I am nervous. I was happy with the arrangement. However, I may be reading into it too much or I may be right, but I think he's not looking at this as "long-term fun" but a stepping stone to something. I hope not.
BUT---can I tell you one of my favorite things of all time? Waking up the next morning to smell a guy's cologne in my hair. I haven't had that since September and it was so nice. It is one of the things that can put an instant smile on my face. I have to remember to thank Gameboy for that.
Thursday, January 25, 2007
A MIU + Birthday + Raspberry Beer & Sweet Potato Fries = A Fun Time
Last night was MIU's birthday ............. a whopping quarter of a century old is he................ and I promised to stop by Croxxley's to help celebrate a bit. KDP came along because the enticing raspberry beer & fries sounded oh so yummy. We got there close to 9 and were able to have people "Scoot" so we could fit in. I sat next to Mr. Baseball who talked nonstop about anything and everything! He's very nice, as is MIU and I imagine that MIU would only have nice friends becaue he is a quality guy himself. I FINALLY got to meet the elusive girlfriend and saw another familiar face at the table. Everybody is very open & inclusive & make you feel like you've been there before.
Not much to report, but I am glad KDP got to see that guys do know how to behave in public, know how to treat women, and that they are capable of having good, fun, silly conversations without being vulgar and obnoxious. This whole "guys are just like SP. They are all jerks" thing doesn't work for me as I don't know nor do I associate with such losers. My standards may make me lonely but at least I am not being taken advantage of, being made a fool of, and abused.
It was a fun time & much needed after the crappy taco tuesday.
Not much to report, but I am glad KDP got to see that guys do know how to behave in public, know how to treat women, and that they are capable of having good, fun, silly conversations without being vulgar and obnoxious. This whole "guys are just like SP. They are all jerks" thing doesn't work for me as I don't know nor do I associate with such losers. My standards may make me lonely but at least I am not being taken advantage of, being made a fool of, and abused.
It was a fun time & much needed after the crappy taco tuesday.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Get Out Of the Inn On Taco Tuesday For It Is Filled With Jerks
Comtinuing my New Year's resolution of "take every offer to go out" and "2007--year of the buzz", I met up at 9pm with KDP for Taco Tuesday. She goes to the bar with a friend from work for $1 tacos (choice of beef, chicken, or bean) and a few beers. I was lucky enough to join them last evening. Or so I thought.
I had to work until 8:30 last night & Long Beach is a 1/2 hour's ride from where I am. So I didn't get there until.....as stated......9. We go into the bar & it seems promising. There's her friend & she's with 4 guys.......2 of whom are cute. I am introduced to KDP's friend, Lavelle, and her "non" boyfriend......Self-proclaimed loser. He used another word that begins with a "p", but that's not my style. They aren't together but she wants to date him & he's too immature to want to date just her & spent much of the night flirting with three other women at the other end of the bar. I mean literally got up & went over to them for lengthy periods of time. Self-Proclaimed was his "usual" self, according to Lavelle. He was saying innapropriate things & laughing......37 but acts like a 15 year-old who knows mom won't hear what he's saying.
I didn't find him funny, but laughed and banered with him to be nice & fit in. The first thing I heard about him, after his proclamation, is that his is small but he knows how to use it. I said "Well, that's good for you then. And the women in your life, right?" and he continued on abouthis apparatus. Whatever.
I chatted with KDP & was ready to go at 10:30 so I could drop her off & be home by 11/11:15. Nope. 12:15 is when we left. And the only reason KDP was ready to go was an argument had begun between me and Self-Proclaimed. He was arguing ith Lavelle about talking to the women & KDP was nowhere in sight. He turns to look at me and says "Do you shave?" Now, going on the other things he had said & I just shrugged off by giggling and bantering with him to get rid of him, I did not expect htis & it went too far. The bartender (who knows SP well because the guy is there all of the time) says "What the hell are you doing? That's enough already." So I looked at SP and just smiled and pretended I had no idea what he was talking about. He says is again and I leaned in and said "I don't get it" and tried to let it go. He now gets louder and says "Cmon, what is it? Mohawk, hitler, or....(insert knocking on the bar here)"?
I finally lean in because I had enough and the 2 cute guys who were with him stopped because they heard this question & were looking at me. I said "F you" and sat back. He says "That's not an answer. We want to know". I said "That was an answer. And here's more. You really are a P... and you've now gone too far". He leaves for the men's room....and Lavelle says "Don't be mad. This is him. He's funny. Just don't be mad." I said "I'm not mad. I tried to let him get it that I wasn't answering and he pushed. Don't think I am mad but that was enough". KDP comes back & SP is right behind her & he says "I just said to KDP that you hate me and I think your arrogant anyway". I said "That's nice. You can proclaim yourself to be a P and that's funny too, but when you go too far it's the other person who is whatever and nothing on you".
He then decides to talk to the two cute guys and leave us alone. Or not. He turns back and says he wants to apologize and puts out his hand. I said that was fine but I was not shaking his hand. This offends him more. I said to KD that I had enough and was going home. It was now 12:10. We go to leave and say goodbye to Lavelle who says "That's just him" while he is yelling goodbye obnoxiously. The cute guys turn & say goodbye too. Where the heck were they during this? Why didn;t they talk with us instead?
So I drop KDP off & we chat about this for a moment & she says he is a jackass & this is how men are. I said "This is not how men are. Cowboy would not behave this way tinfront of me & towards a woman he doesn't know. Gameboy wouldn't do this. JW? MIU? My brother & his friends? Guys I know would NEVER do this. She needs to raise her standards. This guy is 37, divorced, has 2 kids, trets her like crap because she thinks that's all she's worht, and this is why HE is that way."
I wanted to cry the whole way home. I miss Cowboy because these guys are such losers. I had chatted with Gameboy on the drive out & called him when I was close to home to vent. He said come over. So I went by him for 1/2 hour to vent & ended up crying while he held me. He didn't have to do that. We made out a bit, too. But he said that was to cheer me up. It worked. I got home around 2:30 and couldn't fall asleep until almost 3am.
Now I have to go to Briar & Sunny Farms from 8:15-7 tonight. I am so tired & miserable now that I am not sure how to do this.
I had to work until 8:30 last night & Long Beach is a 1/2 hour's ride from where I am. So I didn't get there until.....as stated......9. We go into the bar & it seems promising. There's her friend & she's with 4 guys.......2 of whom are cute. I am introduced to KDP's friend, Lavelle, and her "non" boyfriend......Self-proclaimed loser. He used another word that begins with a "p", but that's not my style. They aren't together but she wants to date him & he's too immature to want to date just her & spent much of the night flirting with three other women at the other end of the bar. I mean literally got up & went over to them for lengthy periods of time. Self-Proclaimed was his "usual" self, according to Lavelle. He was saying innapropriate things & laughing......37 but acts like a 15 year-old who knows mom won't hear what he's saying.
I didn't find him funny, but laughed and banered with him to be nice & fit in. The first thing I heard about him, after his proclamation, is that his is small but he knows how to use it. I said "Well, that's good for you then. And the women in your life, right?" and he continued on abouthis apparatus. Whatever.
I chatted with KDP & was ready to go at 10:30 so I could drop her off & be home by 11/11:15. Nope. 12:15 is when we left. And the only reason KDP was ready to go was an argument had begun between me and Self-Proclaimed. He was arguing ith Lavelle about talking to the women & KDP was nowhere in sight. He turns to look at me and says "Do you shave?" Now, going on the other things he had said & I just shrugged off by giggling and bantering with him to get rid of him, I did not expect htis & it went too far. The bartender (who knows SP well because the guy is there all of the time) says "What the hell are you doing? That's enough already." So I looked at SP and just smiled and pretended I had no idea what he was talking about. He says is again and I leaned in and said "I don't get it" and tried to let it go. He now gets louder and says "Cmon, what is it? Mohawk, hitler, or....(insert knocking on the bar here)"?
I finally lean in because I had enough and the 2 cute guys who were with him stopped because they heard this question & were looking at me. I said "F you" and sat back. He says "That's not an answer. We want to know". I said "That was an answer. And here's more. You really are a P... and you've now gone too far". He leaves for the men's room....and Lavelle says "Don't be mad. This is him. He's funny. Just don't be mad." I said "I'm not mad. I tried to let him get it that I wasn't answering and he pushed. Don't think I am mad but that was enough". KDP comes back & SP is right behind her & he says "I just said to KDP that you hate me and I think your arrogant anyway". I said "That's nice. You can proclaim yourself to be a P and that's funny too, but when you go too far it's the other person who is whatever and nothing on you".
He then decides to talk to the two cute guys and leave us alone. Or not. He turns back and says he wants to apologize and puts out his hand. I said that was fine but I was not shaking his hand. This offends him more. I said to KD that I had enough and was going home. It was now 12:10. We go to leave and say goodbye to Lavelle who says "That's just him" while he is yelling goodbye obnoxiously. The cute guys turn & say goodbye too. Where the heck were they during this? Why didn;t they talk with us instead?
So I drop KDP off & we chat about this for a moment & she says he is a jackass & this is how men are. I said "This is not how men are. Cowboy would not behave this way tinfront of me & towards a woman he doesn't know. Gameboy wouldn't do this. JW? MIU? My brother & his friends? Guys I know would NEVER do this. She needs to raise her standards. This guy is 37, divorced, has 2 kids, trets her like crap because she thinks that's all she's worht, and this is why HE is that way."
I wanted to cry the whole way home. I miss Cowboy because these guys are such losers. I had chatted with Gameboy on the drive out & called him when I was close to home to vent. He said come over. So I went by him for 1/2 hour to vent & ended up crying while he held me. He didn't have to do that. We made out a bit, too. But he said that was to cheer me up. It worked. I got home around 2:30 and couldn't fall asleep until almost 3am.
Now I have to go to Briar & Sunny Farms from 8:15-7 tonight. I am so tired & miserable now that I am not sure how to do this.
Monday, January 22, 2007
Melancholy & The Infinite............Nonexistent Relationship
So Match is becoming a bust completely. People are weird and liars and some are even trying to pursue something with me when my profile says I am looking for long term and they just want to "hook up". Can't people read? I guess not.
I had a beautiful dream last night about a dinner date Cowboy & I had ages ago. Reality: we went out to dinner and were talking & while we were chatting he asked to see a ring of mine that I had been wearing. I slipped it off & he looked at it. I was glancing around the restaurant and while I wasn't paying attention, he slipped a ring back onto my finger. It felt odd & a bit bigger than the one I had been wearing. I looked at my hand and it was this pretty white gold ring with three flowers shaped out of various colored sapphires. It was so sweet & so romantic & such a surprise because it wasn't an anniversary or a holiday or my birthday. It was a "just because". My dream was identical & for the first time since late november I woke up soooooooooooo happy. Then I got up out of bed & reality kicked me in the head. I realized I am not with him. I realize he is holding someone else. It struck me that I can't even call him to share this wonderful memory because he has moved on with life & I am still stuck on him.
I want the pain to end but it's intensifying. And I know the story is getting old but this is 4 1/2 years of my life that I thought would be leading to something different. Not flying solo again. And why are people so sucky?
I had a beautiful dream last night about a dinner date Cowboy & I had ages ago. Reality: we went out to dinner and were talking & while we were chatting he asked to see a ring of mine that I had been wearing. I slipped it off & he looked at it. I was glancing around the restaurant and while I wasn't paying attention, he slipped a ring back onto my finger. It felt odd & a bit bigger than the one I had been wearing. I looked at my hand and it was this pretty white gold ring with three flowers shaped out of various colored sapphires. It was so sweet & so romantic & such a surprise because it wasn't an anniversary or a holiday or my birthday. It was a "just because". My dream was identical & for the first time since late november I woke up soooooooooooo happy. Then I got up out of bed & reality kicked me in the head. I realized I am not with him. I realize he is holding someone else. It struck me that I can't even call him to share this wonderful memory because he has moved on with life & I am still stuck on him.
I want the pain to end but it's intensifying. And I know the story is getting old but this is 4 1/2 years of my life that I thought would be leading to something different. Not flying solo again. And why are people so sucky?
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Why Manhattan Lighting Does A Grotter Good
Last week, when I went to Porky's, a few people thought I was 22. Stupid me, I told the truth & did not get to take Hottie Danny home with me as a door prize.
Last night, in the bitter cold, Elaine & I went back in to the city together. She was "working" and I got to go with her! We hopped a train in Valley Stream and I had to try soooo hard to keep a straight face when a man with bedazzled jeans got on and sat down. A bit too metrosexual for me. We then took 3 subways to get to 89th & 2nd. At subway #2 E. points out a guy who I referred to as "Nick Lachey" because he had the whole black blazer, white tshirt, jeans and dress shoes going on & trust me, I wanted to go with it. Okay--back to the evening at hand. The assignment? Check out BB&R. Blonde, Brunette, and a Redhead is a small bar on the Upper East Side & was the evening's destination.
We got there.......not completely frozen, and were greeted by Sage, the friendly bouncer. He scans my id and says "You're 31?" I said "Yes, I am." He says "I thought you were 22/23. Girl whatever you are doing it's working!" Oh so happy because maybe I am 22 and the years just seem longer than they should. He then scans E.'s id and says something along the lines of "Last name. What is that?" She replies "German". He said "Oh. But what does it mean?" She says "It means that I am German." And off we went. Last week, at Porky's (the funnest bar ever), the bouncer said she was "cute" and then followed it up to Fred that she had nice hair. Yeah--it's that kind of thing.
So we tried to walk around a bit and get a feel for the place. Not much to feel. Let's start with I wanted to use the ladies' room just so I could brush my hair into something more presentable than the huge knot it was created by the chilling wind. I open the door to the unisex room & am greeted by a urinal. UGH! So not happy. I rushed to fix the knot & went back out to find E. We peeked in the back area where a "party" was going to take place & saw a couple of booths & a pool table. This is not what I was expecting at all. E. sent me a link to their site & it appeared to be more of a Jillian's thing for adults, but this was not the case. So, we sat down at the bar & ordered drinks. I finished mine fairly quickly & the bartender came over and was trying to rush E through her's so that we could "keep up". He was quick to serve us a second and then we never saw him again. So we sat & drank & laughed & sang with the music & tried to figure out who were the owners and made fun of a guy who looked like he was there "on assignment" too, but adamently denied it to E. when she politely asked.
We stayed until 11:15ish (I think) and the bouncer asked where we were headed next. Not wanting to sound older than 22....or completely lame....I said "Katwalk" and he chatted a bit more with us while we fixed our coats & gloves and off we went. Back to the 3 subways & hopefully onto the 1:07 train so that we could go home.
It was a fun time with E. The bar was okay --- not worth the commute AT ALL -- and no men to be found. But I can say that my cheeks hurt so much from laughing at........I don't remember what we laughed at but there was a lot of it.
Last night, in the bitter cold, Elaine & I went back in to the city together. She was "working" and I got to go with her! We hopped a train in Valley Stream and I had to try soooo hard to keep a straight face when a man with bedazzled jeans got on and sat down. A bit too metrosexual for me. We then took 3 subways to get to 89th & 2nd. At subway #2 E. points out a guy who I referred to as "Nick Lachey" because he had the whole black blazer, white tshirt, jeans and dress shoes going on & trust me, I wanted to go with it. Okay--back to the evening at hand. The assignment? Check out BB&R. Blonde, Brunette, and a Redhead is a small bar on the Upper East Side & was the evening's destination.
We got there.......not completely frozen, and were greeted by Sage, the friendly bouncer. He scans my id and says "You're 31?" I said "Yes, I am." He says "I thought you were 22/23. Girl whatever you are doing it's working!" Oh so happy because maybe I am 22 and the years just seem longer than they should. He then scans E.'s id and says something along the lines of "Last name. What is that?" She replies "German". He said "Oh. But what does it mean?" She says "It means that I am German." And off we went. Last week, at Porky's (the funnest bar ever), the bouncer said she was "cute" and then followed it up to Fred that she had nice hair. Yeah--it's that kind of thing.
So we tried to walk around a bit and get a feel for the place. Not much to feel. Let's start with I wanted to use the ladies' room just so I could brush my hair into something more presentable than the huge knot it was created by the chilling wind. I open the door to the unisex room & am greeted by a urinal. UGH! So not happy. I rushed to fix the knot & went back out to find E. We peeked in the back area where a "party" was going to take place & saw a couple of booths & a pool table. This is not what I was expecting at all. E. sent me a link to their site & it appeared to be more of a Jillian's thing for adults, but this was not the case. So, we sat down at the bar & ordered drinks. I finished mine fairly quickly & the bartender came over and was trying to rush E through her's so that we could "keep up". He was quick to serve us a second and then we never saw him again. So we sat & drank & laughed & sang with the music & tried to figure out who were the owners and made fun of a guy who looked like he was there "on assignment" too, but adamently denied it to E. when she politely asked.
We stayed until 11:15ish (I think) and the bouncer asked where we were headed next. Not wanting to sound older than 22....or completely lame....I said "Katwalk" and he chatted a bit more with us while we fixed our coats & gloves and off we went. Back to the 3 subways & hopefully onto the 1:07 train so that we could go home.
It was a fun time with E. The bar was okay --- not worth the commute AT ALL -- and no men to be found. But I can say that my cheeks hurt so much from laughing at........I don't remember what we laughed at but there was a lot of it.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Mr. Sarcasm Sends A Message
I turned on my phone this morning to find a text from Mr. Sarcasm. All it said was "good morning".
I am not sure how to proceed. I am feeling a bit jaded with this site and I am wondering why he flipped out on me then said he wants to meet and has now sent me emails and a text that I'd expect to get from a guy I went on a date with and really liked.
Again............sweet? stalker? HELP!
I am not sure how to proceed. I am feeling a bit jaded with this site and I am wondering why he flipped out on me then said he wants to meet and has now sent me emails and a text that I'd expect to get from a guy I went on a date with and really liked.
Again............sweet? stalker? HELP!
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