Pieces

I wish that your world
would come crashing down
around you and you'd
see me

standing there holding

the pieces of our memories.
the past in one hand
future in another

As I try to force these
pieces to fit together
and put into place the picture
I see so clearly in my mind.

I force them to try and take shape.
To interlock the way I anticipated them
to do.
But they are stuck, jammed into
one another

awkwardly

And as the puzzle begins to break
apart,
you walk away kicking
the pieces....
scattering my dreams
and all of the promises that were
to be our life.

How Long Does One Wait?

I finally got a reply from Mr. NJ. He sent it today. I haven't opened it & don't know if I will. However, if I do, how long should I wait before opening it?

Stupid Is As Stupid Does

Did you hear the news story about the pitbull puppy that chewed off 4 toes of a baby? Yes. The parents fell asleep in the room where their 1-month old baby and 6 week old puppy were and didn't bother to keep the two seperate. The puppy was trying to nurse (according to speculations from vets) and couldn't feed. Well, puppies chew. Everything. And chewed four toes off of this child. Didn't the baby cry? Wasn't there any screaming before the toes were completely severed?

Thank goodness the child is in foster care, but that poor puppy is in a cage waiting to find out his fate.

I say leave the puppy alone & euthanaize the parents.

(And send the puppy to me!)

Sucky Monster

I posted my resume on the site a week ago. I have gotten two replies so far. Are either good? You decide:

1) Work as a contract manager for an internet talent agency. There is a salary but much of it comes from commissions. I wanted to punch the monitor.

2) Teach English to eager students! In China. I don't want to move to Mastic Beach. Why would I want to live in China?

Things had better pick up with this site.

One Singular (it's supposed to be sensation but...) Lunatic

Okay~~~still venting. Still depressed. Still crying.

No word from Cowboy & it's been a week. We went longer last year because I had stopped talking to him because he failed to show up for the Chocolate Show. I didn't talk to him for three weeks & then another 3. The only reason I did was because of Thanksgiving. And then the day before Christmas. But since New Year's Day, we've talked non-stop.

I lost my best friend. At first I thought I was crying because it hurt that he didn't care & now there's nobody to feel all of those special things for or about me. I have come to realize that I am crying over him. Granted, some will say "it's just a week. get over yourself." I say to them "Too bad you've never felt so good about someone that losing them hurt you this much. Sad that you have gone through life not knowing that someone did feel that way about you & more."

If I knew things would work out between us, I'd be on a plane to Portland in 2 hours. Screw work & plans right now. That's where I'd be. Hoping to run into his arms at the gate.

I Am Not Into Playing Games

So, I had sent Mr. NJ my cell # in hopes that we would not play the email game. That was Thursday night. He emailed me on Saturday and answered my questions rather bluntly. He is a "junior", does live in NJ, and that's all he wrote. He asked me to tell him about myself. So, I replied about two hours after he sent it (that's when I got it) and told him that I like a lot of things. "I'm a total girly-girl", love the color pink, adore animals, reading and going out. I can talk a little bit about a lot of things like sports, cars, and current events." Then I asked him to tell me about himself. I have not gotten a reply. I can't figure out if he's doing that "three day rule" crap. I don't play these games. I can't be bothered with someone who does. I am giving him the benefit of the doubt and will see what the next email holds, but what kind of guy asks to be set up & when he is does not use the number provided? What is it with men?

I have not heard back from Cowboy at all. I had sent him that text and then called him (foolishly) at 5 am on Friday, but he has not replied at all. He said he wanted to "be friends", and a friend should call you back.

But I am becoming more and more wise as to who true friends are and who just calls when they don't have anyone else to go out with. I am tired of these people and hope to be rid of them in 2007.

Leave It To CodeGirl

My co-worker has talked & talked about setting me up with some guy....any guy.....and had her sister mentionme to the sister's boss (confused already? I am) and he was supposed to email me. She told me two weeks ago he'd email me. Nothing. She sent me an email yesterday asking if AJ contacted me at all. I said "Nope". So, I come home tonight and look in my email & there it is. Very short. Very direct. Very New Jersey. ??? Thre was no mention of him being in Dirty Jersey. What the heck? I never saw Cowboy when he was in Commack---30 minutes away. What the heck do you do with 2 bridges?

I know I sound selfish & picky. I want someone close by so I can see them all of the time (if I want to...which I probably won't want to but still).

All it said was that he heard a lot about me and would love to get to know me better. He hoped it was okay to email me since that what he was told to do. I sent it back that it was okay...asked what the "J" stood for in his name & if he lives in NJ. I also included my number so that I don't have the NYU guy sour cream fiasco again. Remember that from March? UGH! (Still reeling over it.)

Let's see what tomorrow brings.

Don't get me wrong............I have been crying since last night about Cowboy. I almost didn't make it to work because I couldn't see out of my puffy eyes. I sent him a text this morning telling him how I always needed him & had planned a lifetime of needing him. I have not heard back form him at all. Keep in mind he goes to work at 2pm. That's 5 pm our time. So what......you can't call me or text me in the day? I am only good for your free minutes? Again, it's more of the "nobody out there to feel that way for me again" than it is anything else. Selfish? Yes. But I am getting too old to be alone much longer. I want a family & need to get moving on with that fast if it's to happen. Cowboy always talked about our "family". I had names all picked out and everything. Yup. Rambling.