Christmas was going along okay yesterday. I am still under-the-weather and had to rest a lot during the festivities. Things seemed fine when I heard my phone beep. A text came through from the infamous Cowboy wishing me a merry christmas. Yeah--thanks. I went out for dinner to a relative's home & got back late. There's a voicemail for me. Yippee! I had talked to everyone already so I wondered who it was.................idiot. "Hi, Tanya....it's me. I just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas. I don't know if you want to hear from me but I wanted to tell you. I wish you'd call. I still love you."
I muddle it through. The words I wanted to hear. But not the way I wanted to hear them. So, exhausted and still sick, I decide to call him around 11pm. Stupid Stupid Stupid. I told him it was hard to call him because I want him to be in love with me...not love me. I told him I was so confused. He said after I sent that text in November telling him I was still in love with him he went out with friends & they asked if I was moving there. He said not that he knew of. They said then this won't ever work, will it. He thought about it & decided...without telling me...that it wasn't going anywhere & that's why he did this. I came back with "What happened to Ohio? What happened to us making that work? What happened to me driving it with you? And what happened to seeing eachother next week?" I told him about moving there for the summer & if I could find permanent work, staying out there for a bit longer than 4 months. He asked me why I hadn't told him. I said "I wanted to tell you in person, not over the phone. I would have told you next week. But apparently your new friends already changed your ideas. You had already moved on to Laura (the slut)." He said "I wasn't dating her then"...............................I choked. I said "What do you mean 'then'? That means you are dating her" He said "It kind of happened." I said "Kind of? Isn't this the one who used you to get another guy & she slept with him that same night?" His reply? "Well, I can't be sure she did. That may not be true." OKAY---what woman tells another guy she slept with a guy on the first day he would give her the time of day if it wasn't true? So I said "Don't back peddle this now. Don't make her out to be all innocent." And the Ohio thing? He said he chickened out. I asked him why he didn't just tell me. He said he didn't know how. Am I that hard to talk to? I supported him staying there. I supported him moving to Ohio. I repeatedly asked him to come back to NY.
He told me his feelings for me aren't changed & that he "put a wall up because it hurts so much" and all that crap. I hung up bawling saying "My Christmas was missing you & I spent it all alone & now I find out you spent it in the arms of another. Thank you for destroying my holiday". And I hung up. I am literaly nauseus over this. How do you love someone for so long & then in 3 weeks date someone else? Again--slut--and I say this because of what she did. It's not that I don't fault him at all in this but how do you go from dating me to dating a slut? It makes no sense.
