Cowboy & I have been texting & he's been calling me lately. He's still 'in', but this hasn't stopped him from contacting me every other day. Last night he sent me a text while out with CrazyJoe. He asked when was a good time to call. I told him after midnight my time. Around 11 I got 2 texts from him that were pics he just took of himself. He looked good & I sent it back saying so. He was smiling & has his hair cut & looks like the Cowboy I knew two years ago.
He called at 12 & began talking about how I am amazing (like I didn't know I was) and how he misses me so much & has talked about me to everyone where he is & they have told him (with more profanity) to crawl across the country on his hands & knees & beg for my forgiveness. The fiance is out. She called to tell him she is dating someone new & he has made her happier in 3 weeks than Cowboy did in 4 months. Again, he tried to compare it to what he did to me & I told him to stop. I pointed out that a 4+ coke-fogged month relationship is NOTHING to my 4+ years of wanting\planning a future. He apologized and agreed.
He will be in Ohio in May & asked me to come. He'd pay my way there. I can't go. It's not that I don't want to, but I already have plans that I will not cancel for that. He said there are things he needs to say to me in person & will not do over the phone. I said 'maybe'. I don't know if I want to hear it. I don't know if I can see him. I told him that if I saw him I will have one of two reactions (or both): I want to give him a big hug for doing what he has done these past few weeks. The other is that I want to knock him to the ground & kick him in the stomach. He said he understands and deserves it. I didn't hold back. I didn't lie. I told him how I felt, how I feel, and how he is so lucky I even speak to him at all. I pointed out that I may not have ever spoken to him again had it not been for this situation of his. And I continued to say that I may not be able to talk to him much after he gets his life in order. I have no guarantees on my feelings right now so he needs to respect that I will take this one day at a time.
HIs mom emailed me thanking me so much for supporting him these weeks. She said he seems so much happier & they attribute some of it to the fact that I am there for him. She even said she can't figure out how or why I would support him, seeing as what he did to me, but that it means so much to them. I thought that was nice.
His plan is to move to Ohio with his friend, HottieNick. That was the original plan in September, pre-fiance psycho, and since the only friends he has in Port are druggies, he figures it's best to try & lead the life he attempted to plan. I told him to speak with counselors first and he already had. They think that it is a rationale move. I don't know. But its nice to know he is climbing into the saddle again.
Happy Birthday Cowboy!
