So I have sunk so low in this "Missing Cowboy" despair that I resorted to signing up for Match last night. It was beyond painful. However, I have had two "winks" and an email already & the guys are average......they don't look too desperate or pathetic, as I seem to be right now.
I did this in the hopes of "God helps those who help themselves" so that if I appear to be helping myself, Cowboy will return. I say the "return" thing because that's what I want. I don't care what other people think. I don't care what they have to say. I understand their concerns & take it into consideration, but when it comes down to it, he is who I wanted to spend my life with. I was lucky to find someone to be my best friend, love, and partner in crime. No matter what I wanted to do, he would always say "As long as we are spending time together, I will do whatever it is you want". He holds many of the same qualities that my Dad does, and if you know me well enough, you know my Dad is perfect in my eyes. All but alcoholic Brent have come back to try again and I am the fool for not having given them a second chance. I am at a point in my life where if Cowboy rides back into town I'd gladly saddle up with him & not think twice. Not because I am desperate. Not because I want to get on with life. I want him for all of his qualities & his faults. I want to work on my faults with him & his patience for my silliness.
So, in the meantime, I will be responding to the "winks" that come through and sit through coffee, drinks, dinner or movies with these new-found potentials for outings & enjoy it for what it is............experience & time-consuming.
